By Callie Triller & Jake Maher
This story appears in the 5th Annual LIFTS Magazine, where Montana parents share honest experiences about connection, resilience, and the journey through early parenthood.
By Jake:
Before my son Ryan was born, my life was spiraling out of control. I wasn’t a productive member of society, and was just lost. I was in jail when I discovered I’d become a dad, and Ryan’s mother and I were no longer together.
I eventually got into the drug court program, and went to treatment, and that’s when Callie and her family got involved as foster parents.
I started doing weekly video calls with them, which Child Protective Services (CPS) encouraged. Callie sent me a notebook and a pen, and said if you want to write a letter to Ryan, we’ll read it to him, so I did. She and her family were so supportive of me. They sent care packages while I was in treatment, they sent pictures and a photo album, and wrote to me about what it had been like since the day they got him. They saw me as a person who was struggling and needed a lot of extra encouragement, and were always helping work towards the goal of reunification. When I got back from treatment, Callie would drive Ryan to me for my supervised visits, twice a week for an hour each.
I took parenting classes, got enrolled in an intensive outpatient program, and went to 12-step meetings. Ryan was the reason I didn’t give up. I didn’t really look at that as an option at that point. I just wanted to be with him.
When he finally came to live with me, I continued these efforts, attending recovery meetings and taking every parenting class that I could. I wasn’t court-ordered to do these things, but felt it was necessary to keep me on the path that I was on. I wanted to take full advantage of every opportunity I could that would give me greater chances of having Ryan permanently. I’ve learned that the more you put into something, the more you get out of it. That’s why I went all out, and did everything I possibly could to better my chances of getting him back. I work full-time, Monday through Friday, and Ryan goes to daycare. He’s just started walking, and has been communicating more. It’s not so much like a guessing game anymore – he can actually let me know what he wants. The communication between the two of us, growing together, and having the bond that we do is a huge win.
Eighteen months ago, I never would’ve thought that I’d be where I am today.
By Callie:
When we started fostering, we knew we would need every resource at our disposal. With every placement, it held true – we needed friends, babysitters, doctors, and community to support us so we could love and support each child who walked in our doors. Baby Ryan was no exception. He came to us straight from the NICU after a pre-term birth, and we immediately enlisted as many friends as we could to take turns holding and rocking him, knowing he needed all the love we could provide.
As a child in Montana’s foster care system, Ryan qualified for many public benefits, including Medicaid, WIC, and the Best Beginnings Scholarship. Through Medicaid, we were able to quickly connect with an occupational therapist familiar with feeding premature infants. She educated us on proper bottle placement and techniques to allow him to drink as much formula as he could so that he would grow stronger. His occupational therapist also worked to provide him positive sensory touch, and coach us on how to best care for him as his body and brain developed outside of the womb.
Medicaid also paid for all of his well-child check-ups. Over the course of the year that Ryan lived with us, his primary care provider helped us navigate some difficult illnesses and directed us to the proper treatments when there were milestones he was slow to meet.
We connected Ryan with the WIC program, which paid for most of his formula throughout the first year, helped track his growth and development, and provided us with nutrition support as Ryan transitioned to solid foods.
Once Ryan worked his way into a more routine schedule and got bigger and stronger, we enrolled him at a high-quality early childhood program in our community, utilizing the Best Beginnings Scholarship, a state-funded program that helps families cover the costs of childcare.
We had no idea that one of the coolest parts of fostering Ryan would be getting to know his biological parent. I remember learning that Jake had chosen to go to treatment and I literally cheered! When he asked to do Zoom visits through treatment, we were so happy to help make that happen. As soon as possible, we wanted Ryan to know his dad, and for Jake to be continually motivated by all the sweet coo’s and big brown eyes Ryan could give.
After Jake finished treatment, and in-person visits started, we got to know him even better – seeing him at least once per week. We were inspired by his hard work and dedication to both his sobriety and his parenting. He was utilizing every resource he could for himself, just as we were utilizing every resource we could to support Ryan.
As visits progressed from “supervised” to “monitored”, and then from a day at a time to overnight, we got to witness Jake and Ryan’s bond flourish until our very final handoff. I was tearful, as I knew I was saying goodbye to the sweet little boy who had lived with us for the past 15 months. But Ryan crawled right over to Jake who picked him up. He then looked at me with a big smile and just waved. He knew he was home.
Professional photos by Highland Creative Solutions.
Visit hmhb-lifts.org for local resources using the search terms “Family Support & Education”, “Substance Use Disorder Treatment Providers”, and “Birthing & Parenting Classes”.
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