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Self-care Archives - Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies: the Montana Coalition

Sep 19
Love0

Just Showing Up

By Parenting

By Mindy Petranek

This story appears in the 5th Annual LIFTS Magazine, where Montana parents share honest experiences about connection, resilience, and the journey through early parenthood.

 

It can be challenging to make friends in your adult life. I can’t count the number of times I’ve tried to connect with people and then they don’t ever call back. I just really crave that community.

We live on a ranch, a cattle operation, so things run around the schedules of what’s happening at the time: calving, branding – ranching kind of stuff.  

One Christmas, my husband got me a gift certificate to a pottery class. I was super excited, but when it came time for the class, calving had begun. He said he thought I’d be able to sneak away for a couple hours in the evenings, but when it came down to it, we couldn’t make it work. We didn’t have any childcare, and it was just too crazy of a time.

Sometimes you have to cancel plans, and do what maintains your livelihood. 

I was stuck in a period of feeling really low and lonely, and didn’t know how to break the cycle. I started looking for resources and found a baby storytime in the nearest big town. So I took a chance.

My son had really long hair at the time, and one week this gal came up to me and complimented his hair. That’s all it took: just her kind openness to tell me it was okay that I was doing things differently. 

The next week I went to the library again, and saw the same gal. I thanked her for what she’d said about my son’s hair. She told me she was starting a mom’s group, and invited me to join. We exchanged numbers, and that’s how I started going to the Bad Moms Group.

The name of the group either sparks an interest or people are turned off by it. I love the truth of it, cause as a mom there are so many moments where I feel like I’m botching the job. 

The moms group was an hour’s drive away, and the first time I went I was nervous, but excited to be out of the house by myself, listening to music as loud as I wanted. I felt like I had a grip on a little of me. When you become a mom, you can lose yourself, and it’s all about figuring out how to reinvent.

The way the group works is you just show up. Each meeting starts with the mission statement: to create a safe space for mamas to share in order to gain understanding and compassion for ourselves and others. Zero judgment. No one is to repeat what we say here. No interrupting, and only give input if the person sharing welcomes it or is asking for advice. 

Connecting with other women about the challenges of motherhood gave me reassurance, comfort, and camaraderie. It was so much better than just packing all of my feelings into a hole and telling myself that I’m tough enough to handle it. A friend in the group once said to me, you’re always so tough – do you ever get tired of being tough?

A moms group can help you find a better head space, which will be tenfold worth it for yourself and your family. You can’t understand how much you need that outlet till you’re on your drive home and thinking: oh, I feel like me again. 

Just stick with it and go out of your comfort zone. It will be worth it. A little bit of discomfort will help you grow.

Stories like this remind us that finding connection can make all the difference. If you’re looking for parenting support, mental health resources, or ways to connect with other families, visit HMHB-LIFTS.org.

Dec 20
Love2

I Can Do This by Kelsie Christensen

By Birth, Community, Community Support, Parenting, pregnancy, Self-compassion, The Power of Story

This is a featured article from our 4th edition of the LIFTS Magazine.  

I Can Do This

By Kelsie Christensen

“You’re an adult woman, you can do this!” my husband Bob says over the phone from 1,500 miles away, as I dress our four-month-old son, Emmett.

“I’m so nervous,” I reply. “I don’t know any of these people.”

There are many things I didn’t expect as a new mom, forced mom outings being one of them.

If only my anxiety would calm down.

The sun is setting as I load Emmett into the car, still on the phone with Bob. “Who knew free dinner would be such a driving force to get me out of the house?” I joke. “New mom life.”

We arrive at the old brick school where the moms group is held, and I strap Emmett into the front pack. “I’ll call you when we’re heading home,” I tell Bob as we hang up.

Walking down the ramp into the building’s basement, I feel nauseous. “We can do this, right buddy?” I ask Emmett.

I hear kids playing and moms chatting from down the fluorescent-lit hall. I take a deep breath and walk in. Moms are on the left by a big table covered with taco fixings. Kids are to the right playing in a padded area with so many toys and activities. Emmett will LOVE this place when he gets bigger, I think.

With Emmett still strapped to my chest, I get some food and walk to another room, where I sit down at a plastic folding table with ten other women, a huge ball of anxiety in my stomach. What do I even talk about? My whole world revolves around this tiny person. Am I even interesting anymore?

Turns out they can relate.

I chat with a mom of two whose husband is also a truck driver. I ask if being a trucker’s wife with kids ever gets easier. “Kind of…not really,” she answers. At least she’s being honest.

The woman sitting next to me has a baby girl strapped to her as well – a three-month old, she tells me. We exchange numbers so we can meet up for a walk, and have another adult to talk to. I feel my anxiety lessening.

After two hours, I walk outside into the dark. I can’t wait to call Bob and tell him how it went. I can’t believe I had the guts to go – to meet new people, and to take Emmett along to something that’s actually for me. I plan to go again next month. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone and now have a community I can turn to.

I am an adult woman, I think to myself, as I strap Emmett into his car seat. And I can do this.   

 

 

Visit hmhb-lifts.org for local resources using the search terms “Birthing and Parenting Classes” and “Support Groups”.

Nov 29
Love2

My Journey Through Bipolar II and Motherhood by Shayla Horner

By Birth, Grief, Infant Loss, Parenting, The Power of Story

This is a featured article from our 4th edition of the LIFTS Magazine.  

My Journey Through Bipolar II and Motherhood

By Shayla Horner

After my first pregnancy, I was prescribed an antidepressant for postpartum depression. Within 24 hours of starting the medication, I’d cut my hair, started a YouTube channel, and deep-cleaned and redecorated my house. I discovered a new ability to run off of three hours of sleep, and felt like I was thriving. So relieved to be out of my previous state of zombie-like living, I wasn’t willing to admit I was equally unwell, and experiencing what I would later recognize as having been a manic episode.

I was 22 then, and wouldn’t receive an accurate diagnosis until five years later.

At 27, I was trying to finish college, working part-time at an elementary school, and taking care of my then-5-year-old daughter. I knew that if I didn’t help myself, I’d be fighting the same battle of taming my own mind for the rest of my life. I spent my nights watching my daughter sleep, knowing that I needed to do something – anything – to be the mother she deserved. I knew in my bones that I was a nurturing and devoted mom, but I wanted to feel at peace in order to be able to provide her with peace.

I reached out to a therapist through my university, and canceled my appointment four times before finally showing up. That first session was the beginning of a healing process that was one of the most brutal experiences of my life. Forgiving people who have wronged you is hard; forgiving yourself is merciless. I received a Bipolar II diagnosis, and after dosage adjustments, have had immense luck with the right mood-stabilizing medication.

I found out I was pregnant with my second in December of 2023, and told my doctor that I wanted to taper off my medication. I’d done the research, and knew that mine was one of the most recommended mood-stabilizers for pregnancy, but in spite of advocating for the destigmatization of mental-health conditions, I knew deep down that I didn’t want to admit to my new medical team that I was dependent on a medication for survival. My doctor expressed concern, but said it was ultimately my decision. I made the choice to stop.

Though I’d had an easy first pregnancy, this one hit me like a freight train. I was consumed by depression and anxiety, my mind brimming with current dilemmas, past conflicts, and personal downfalls. I had to take frequent bathroom breaks at work to steady my breathing and avoid giving in to my spiraling thoughts. I struggled to perform daily tasks at home, and knew I was losing my ability to hide my diminishing mental health from my daughter – the very reason I’d initially sought help years before. I realized that it wasn’t wrong to need help, but it was wrong to jeopardize what I worked so hard to maintain over the years, just to avoid stigma.

I went to my OB’s office and was met with pure grace by the resident medical assistant. I’ll never forget the kindness that he showed me in such a vulnerable moment. He told me that while I’m choosing to share my body with someone else, I’m still worth loving and advocating for. He was clear and communicative about the medical basis for his reflections, sharing the scientific justifications for why it was okay to restart my medication. I walked out of the office feeling seen.

A diagnosis does not define you. It can dictate choices you make, but it doesn’t have to be your entire identity. The imbalances within my body don’t determine my capabilities as a parent. I can be a great mom, a loving wife, and a functioning member of society while also needing assistance in maintaining the disequilibrium in my brain that is quite literally out of my control. What is in my control, however, is choosing to be honest with myself and my support team, so that I can not just survive, but thrive.

 

 

 

 

Visit hmhb-lifts.org for local resources using the search terms “Mental Health Providers” and “Psychiatric Services”.

Nov 08
Love1

7th Annual Perinatal Mental Health Conference Recap

By Community, Community Support, Maternal Mental Health, Perinatal Substance Use Disorders, Self-care

The HMHB team is grateful for the opportunity to reflect on the 7th Annual Perinatal Mental Health Conference. Returning to in-person convening, we valued the chance to connect face-to-face with participants, speakers, partners, exhibitors, and sponsors. We also enjoyed moments of virtual connection and were thankful to balance in-person and online options for people working across the state of Montana to support perinatal mental health. Our heartfelt thanks go to everyone who gathered in person or online to make this event meaningful.

Perinatal Mental Health 101

The conference kicked off in September with two bonus Perinatal Mental Health 101 sessions led by Dr. Samantha Greenberg. These foundational sessions provided valuable insights for individuals new to the perinatal mental health field or those looking to deepen their understanding of the basics. Dr. Greenberg’s content remains accessible to all on the HMHB website.

 In-Person Conference

On October 15-16, the in-person conference was held at the Delta Colonial Hotel in Helena, MT, where over 150 attendees joined for learning, connection, and sharing. Presenters thoughtfully crafted sessions on topics ranging from lived experiences in perinatal mental health to doula work and pelvic floor health. We are deeply thankful for the panelists who kindly shared their insights, lived experiences, and expertise. In a community engagement poster session, twelve groups from across Montana shared about their impactful, community-based work supporting perinatal mental health.

Keynote speaker, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, offered insights on Real Self-Care from her bestselling book—a reminder of the importance of self-care for those dedicated to caring for others.

Another memorable moment was the screening of the documentary film SILOED, followed by a panel led by Director Hazel Cramer. This discussion covered the journey of making the film and thoughtful (and sometimes funny!) conversations among participants surrounding mental health.

 Virtual Advanced Training Sessions

Two days of virtual learning took place on October 22 and 24, covering Perinatal Substance Use and Perinatal Nutrition. These sessions featured local and national experts, allowing attendees to continue engaging and connecting through our virtual platform, Whova. You can explore the full conference agenda here.

 We Can’t Wait for Next Year!

We are already excited to start planning our 8th Annual Perinatal Mental Health Conference! To stay updated on next year’s conference dates and content, please subscribe to the HMHB newsletter or follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

 Thanks to Exhibitors!

Thanks to Sponsors!

pmhc SPONSORS

Thanks to Our Event Manager!

We also wanted to share our gratitude for our amazing Event Manager, Anna Strange. This event wouldn’t have been the same without her kindness, creativity and attention to detail.

We are grateful to all who participated for their support and contributions to this event!

Oct 25
Love2

Grieving with Grace: A Bereaved Mother’s Story by Amanda Eby

By Birth, Grief, Infant Loss, Parenting, The Power of Story

This is a featured article from our 2nd edition of the LIFTS Magazine.  

Editor’s Note: This story is about infant loss. HMHB feels it is important to share stories about grief and loss because they are an important part of Montanans’ pregnancy and parenting experiences. That said, we also encourage you to take care of yourself. If this is a difficult topic for you, make sure you have the support you need before you read this article, or skip it if that’s the right thing for you to do.

Grieving with Grace: A Bereaved Mother’s Story

By Amanda Eby

I sensed hesitancy from the sonographer as she clicked incessantly on the keyboard. After hoping, waiting, and praying, I was more prepared for thispregnancy than I was for my first child, Olivia. But I was shocked when, as my bladder was near bursting, the sonographer exclaimed while she typed in all caps – “TWINS!”

My mother died three months before I became pregnant. I yearned to dream of her, to feel close to her again. When I finally did, it branded the creases of my brain. She came to my side, and in an uncharacteristically calm voice, she told me that one of my babies wasn’t going to make it. I didn’t share the dream with anyone, but I buried it in my shoulder like a quiet cross to bear. I couldn’t let go of it because it was a precious visitation of my mother I missed dearly, yet I fiercely blocked it as a possibility. Her peaceful presence then would resurface later to comfort me when my nightmare came true.

“We have Baby A who is doing well, Baby B is pretty sick, but all the nurses and doctors are trying to help her now.” I awoke to these words from my husband, struggling to comprehend as I tried desperately to awake from anesthesia. I was in disbelief. I was almost 37 weeks. My co- worker had just joked with me that they were just getting fat now and could come out anytime. My specialist had told me I could “write the book on having twins.” We would say goodbye forever to our Baby B, Jacqueline, just eight hours later. For eight powerful hours, we held her.

 

The first year was numb as we maintained survival mode. One lonely twin didn’t want to eat, an older sister didn’t know how to grieve, and two parents mourned in their corners yet still occasionally found each other. I searched for answers and signs of my daughter gone from earth. I had sudden moments of sorrow and angst, remembering not all my children are with me. We celebrated milestones, watched a personality emerge, and witnessed the discoveries of young childhood – all while quietly acknowledging the persistent, sad void that coupled each of those milestones. I found solace when I focused on my mother holding my baby, rocking her, just as if they were with me.

Caroline, our Baby A, has always talked about her twin. She asked why her twin Jacqueline got sick. I tried explaining twin-to-twin transfusion to a 4-year-old. She listened and asked if that was why she died and why everything had to go to her instead of Jacqueline. Then she curled into my arms and told me she was sad. Repeatedly through toddlerhood, she asked: “Where is Jacqueline? Did she die? Why did she die? How did she die?” While I strived for patience, I became robotic to maintain composure. I had moments of weakness where some days I just couldn’t act out the Groundhog Day rendition of my daughter’s death. Sometimes I was short with her. I was terse and shamefully irritated by her questions that seemed to lack concern for the gravity of the situation and my emotions.

Now, rather than verifying her reality, she recognizes and acknowledges it – when my tender heart least expects it. While planning her fifth birthday, Caroline said, “Wait, how are we celebrating Jacqueline’s birthday?!” I reminded her of the pink lantern we sent to the sky, and she smiled and commented matter-of-factly that it’s important because it’s her birthday too. One day, she went to play with schoolmates – twin girls her age. She told me about their lunch and the backyard surrounded by lilacs. It wasn’t until she was about to fall asleep that she elaborated. “Their room is so cool, Mom,” she said. “I wish I had that room to share with Jacqueline.”

I shared my story publicly a few times before Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day on October 15th and then I breathed a small sigh of relief. I was feeling, as Brené Brown puts it, a “vulnerability hangover.” I had been holding hard space for my grief, carrying a little suitcase in my gut, pulling on my heart with a comforting weight. And then I was ready to set it down. It was a ticket to validation.

I do not believe things happen for a reason or search for reasons why they happen. I resist the urge to step into a dark forest of twisted trees of blame, shadows of “should’ve,” screams of “but only,” and cries of “what if.” Grief overwhelms enough when my body aches as it cradles hollowness, it shudders with an insatiable hunger. No amount of blame, not an ounce of retraced steps, no spat of anger at broken systems or resentment of human error will fill that space that can’t hold a child. It only sharpens the ache to anger.

I have learned about “grieving with grace.” Our friends and family, or strangers in the supermarket, will inevitably make comments that sting. I try to extend patience, to recognize possible coping mechanisms of stoicism or nonchalance. I hope to teach them, wait for them.

Jacqueline shows up in our lives in many different ways. Amidst a stint of relentless bickering between Olivia and Caroline, we approached the store aisle containing a plethora of various gingerbread house kits. I dreaded yet another argument about which type to purchase as I listed them — Barbie, Mickey Mouse, and so on. Much to my surprise, they immediately agreed on a birdhouse with a red cardinal perched in front. A red cardinal can be a sign of hope from a departed loved one, a sign of their peace. It was as if they knew.

I am happy for you and your pregnancy and children, and I’m sorry if the pain of seeing what I dreamt for overshadows that happiness. We are all mothers, and I always want the absolute best for every single one of you. That said, please understand that I may not want to go to your baby shower, or even shop for a gift. Don’t ask me how many children I have; instead ask me about my family. When you talk with me, be prepared for discomfort. Please don’t encourage silent grieving, but listen and support me. Bereaved mothers are part of the motherhood story that connects us all.

 

 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Resources:

–  Ramsey Keller Memorial pays for infant funerals in the state of Montana. https://www.kisses2heaven.com/

–  Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep provides the gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby. https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

–  Still Standing Magazine is for all who are grieving child loss & infertility. https://stillstandingmag.com/

–  Various “angel gown” organizations that you can find online convert donated wedding dresses into infant burial gowns.

Jul 12
Love2

Art Party! by Elaine Dahl

By Caregiving, Community, Early Childhood, Maternal Mental Health, Parenting

Are you looking for way to beat the heat?  Look no further!  We’re re-airing this article from our 2nd edition of the LIFTS Magazine featuring a very fun family art party.

Art Party!

By Elaine Dahl

HMHB recently invited some families with little ones to make art! And if you have a little one who is ready, you could too!

Here are some suggested “how to” steps:

  1. Find a place. It could be a park, a family’s home, or a meeting place. Remember that, depending on the art you do, it could get messy!
  2. Find a time. Keep in mind various work schedules, bedtimes, and mealtimes. This party lasted a little over an hour, and families had the option to arrive late or leave early.
  3. Invite the families you would like to attend. Consider health protocols, such as telling families to stay home if they are sick, having the party outside, and/or offering masks.
  4. Tell everyone to wear clothes that can get messy, if you are using materials like paint.
  5. Decide on your projects. We had help from art teacher Em Thiessen, but you can also look online or ask your creative friends for ideas.
  6. Gather the supplies and any snacks or drinks you want to offer. Look for non-toxic, kid-friendly paints, kitchen ingredients like flour and food coloring, paper, and other supplies. And make sure you have clean-up materials like towels and wipes.
  7. When the time comes, welcome everyone and remind them that it’s not so much about creating great art, but about creating great memories!

And here’s why!

  1. It’s fun! (Seriously, it’s important to have fun!)
  2. It helps improve your child’s brain development, motor skills, exploration of things in the world, and visual understanding.
  3. It’s a great way for you to bond with your little one and connect with other families.

For this party, Em planned four projects:

Plastic bag painting

  1. Take a piece of paper and squirt three or four colors of non-toxic paint on it.
  2. Carefully place the paper inside a plastic bag and seal the bag.
  3. Allow your little one to smoosh the paint around, with their hands on top of the plastic. They can even try using a toy to move the paint!
  4. When the smooshing is done, carefully remove the paper from the plastic bag and let it air dry.

Handprints

  1. Each family member can paint their own hands with a brush, or you can paint each other’s hands.
  2. Once you have enough paint on your hand, press it down on the paper to transfer the paint. Your little one may need help with this part.
  3. You can layer your handprints, or you can make other designs.
  4. Sometimes, you may be inspired to make a more “avant garde” artwork!

Ball-in-the-box painting

  1. Place a small amount of one color of paint in a cup, can, or bowl.
  2. Drop a small ball in the cup, can, or bowl and make sure it’s covered in paint.
  3. Place a paper in the bottom of a plastic bin.
  4. Drop the ball with paint into the bin.
  5. Shake the bin so the ball moves around.
  6. When you’re ready for a new color, repeat all the steps above, using a clean ball and a separate small container for each color of paint.
  7. Remove the finished painting from the bottom of the plastic bin.

Totes with bubbles

  1. You will need several bottles of bubble soap with plastic wands.
  2. Drop a small amount of food coloring or non-toxic dye into each bottle of bubble soap so you’ll have a variety of colors. Label each bottle.
  3. Get a canvas tote bag or a paper set up on a table or on the floor.
  4. Blow bubbles in the direction of your “canvas.”
  5. You can pop the bubbles, or even stomp on them!
  6. Switch colors as you see fit

What do you do when your little one’s artwork starts piling up? Em recommends repurposing a paper project by:

  • Using it as wrapping paper for gifts;
  • Cutting it up into small rectangular gift tags, which you can punch a hole in and tie with some twine to your gift; or
  • Cutting it into small shapes (circles, squares, etc.) that you can glue onto gift bags, lunch sacks, or other items that need some decoration.

We thank Em Thiessen and the Martin family, the Petrik-Harris family, and the Stumberg family for attending!

Throwing your own art party? Write us at stories@hmhb-mt.org if you want to learn more or share what you did.

 

Jul 05
Love2

Finding Our Footing by Anna Temple

By Caregiving, Community, Early Childhood, Maternal Mental Health, Parenting

This is a featured article from our 2nd edition of the LIFTS Magazine.  

Finding Our Footing

By Anna Semple

My son “Alex” (an alternate name for privacy reasons) just turned three. I can’t decide if his birth seems like yesterday or a lifetime ago, or maybe both. They say that your brain goes through as many changes when becoming a mother as it does during the teen years. I’ve long known this because of my job in early childhood, but didn’t really take the time to think about what this actually meant until after I became a mother myself. Comparing my childhood self with my young adult self, I see the same person in so many ways, but with different priorities, ways of thinking about the world, and levels of confidence and skill in navigating life on my own. Parenting has brought on the same sensation of feeling different, but also just the same.

Alex has Down syndrome. When I was pregnant, I shared this information quickly as a way to bridge a connection and set the tone of the conversation. I didn’t want people avoiding real conversation because they didn’t know what was okay to talk about. My partner and I were lucky to have incredibly supportive friends, with the wisdom to ask how we felt about the diagnosis instead of jumping to the conclusion that it was a tragedy. Even awkward comments felt supportive, as long as people were open to hearing how we were feeling at that moment. I knew that a month earlier in my life I would have been unsure of what to say as well, and I was okay with imperfect expressions of support.

My feelings were complex during pregnancy, and talking them through with my partner and friends was incredibly important. I often worried that I wouldn’t know how to connect with my son. I leaned into the words I read from other parents, that “once your baby is born it will be fine, he will just be your baby.” Before becoming a mother, I didn’t know that love for your children grows out of thousands of tiny moments of nurturing, not because your baby shows up in a certain way. And when Alex was born, I could see the depth in his sparkly little eyes and knew I didn’t need to worry about connecting. I’m saddened now that I didn’t understand this before. People with Down syndrome are just people, and being able to connect really isn’t surprising.

 

Now that Alex is older, I am slower to bring up this diagnosis with people who haven’t met him. Mostly because there are so many other things to talk about, but also because some people’s default is to focus on the differences. I need to start with the foundation that Alex is in many ways the same as any other kid. I want to share conversations about bedtime routines, picky eating, and hilarious toddler antics. I want people to know that Alex is a little charmer who loves to play games, whether he is catching my eye with a sly smile before tickling me, or giggling as he hurries down a path to kick pinecones in the park. Only after we connect as fellow parents do I mention the extra chromosome, or tell them that I’m sometimes overwhelmed with the added layer of thought that goes into every parenting decision, with juggling all the appointments, and facing the scary unknown of the long-term future.

These friends and acquaintances are an important support system, but I am also thankful our family has had outside help with navigating the extra considerations. Young children with delays and disabilities often qualify for early intervention services, which provide free parenting support and specialized services (like physical, speech and occupational therapies) until children turn three. We enrolled when Alex was two weeks old after one doctor gave us a laundry list of things that we couldn’t do, including being worn in a baby carrier. After filling out a short form, we were able to get in quickly to see a physical therapist who determined that he could in fact be safely worn in some specific carriers. Walking in the woods is a big part of our family identity, and it was an enormous relief to learn ways to safely do this with our son. We worked with this same physical therapist until recently when Alex turned three and aged out of the program.

Our whole early intervention team supported us in setting goals for our son and our family. They worked with us all to help achieve those goals through therapy exercises and connection to resources in the community. Our family support specialist knew what paperwork or appointment needed to happen at different phases. They encouraged us to apply for and enroll in Early Head Start. Most of our experiences with doctors have been positive, but we occasionally received conflicting or confusing information at appointments. We knew our early intervention team couldn’t give medical advice, but they did help us generate questions and research options if we wanted a second opinion.

When looking into preschools, we were referred to someone at our local Child Care Resource and Referral office who equipped us with information on reasonable accommodations and a list of questions to ask when we visited different programs. This helped us self-advocate and, ultimately, we chose a program that was open to adaptations and that valued my family as collaborators in Alex’s education.

Each person we’ve worked with throughout these three years has been a such a cheerleader for Alex. He warmed right up to each of them, and adored being the center of attention during appointments.

Like any new parent, I can’t imagine how overwhelming these first years would have been for us without people to turn to for help. Friends who knitted blankets, left Tupperwares of food and stopped by to check in on us. Professionals who supported us in becoming advocates, and who began teaching Alex the skills that help him gain independence. Both helped us find our footing as we underwent the huge shift in perspective and lifestyle of becoming a family. We are forever grateful for the help we had welcoming our beautiful son into a whole community of people who care for him.

 

Resources: Use the LIFTS Online Resource Guide to search for “Child Development Information and Support” and find organizations that assist families in screening children and making appropriate referrals.

Jun 21
Love2

Early Head Start: My Family’s Experience by Kayla Goble

By Caregiving, Community, Early Childhood, Maternal Mental Health, Parenting

This is a featured article from our 2nd edition of the LIFTS Magazine.  

Early Head Start: My Family’s Experience

By Kayla Goble

Parenting is hard no matter how prepared you feel you are for it. I have always wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, but becoming a mom was not going to be an easy journey for me. Before I got pregnant with “Bugs” (my nickname for my daughter) in 2019, I had some health issues and I was not sure that my dream of becoming a mom would ever become a reality. I knew that there are other ways to become a mom, and I have two amazing “bonus children” that I love dearly. Throughout my pregnancy with Bugs, I lived in constant fear that I would lose her, as we did not have an easy ride. I was diagnosed with several medical conditions requiring medication, and I struggled to carry her to full term. Ultimately, she made her appearance at 36 weeks and 6 days, at 5:30 a.m.

Once Bugs was born, I knew that I needed to have support and a village around my family in order to help Bugs be the best that she can be. As someone who is going to school for Early Childhood Education (P-3) and Special Education, I know that it is important to provide gentle parenting and to guide children in life, and to help them have a healthy attachment so that they feel safe and secure to explore the world around them. When Bugs was three months old, we moved from Missoula to Anaconda, meaning that my family and main support was an hour and a half away. Two months after we moved to Anaconda, COVID hit, meaning that we did not have time to build a support system there.

In March 2021, there was a fire in our building and we had to suddenly move again. We moved to Butte, where some of our friends lived and we would be able to find more services to support Bugs.

By the time that we moved, Bugs had been diagnosed with some conditions requiring  many doctor appointments and hospital stays. Anaconda does not have an Early Head Start (EHS) program, so when we moved to Butte, we started looking at the process of getting her enrolled in AWARE’s EHS program. AWARE runs EHS programs in Butte, Helena, Belgrade and Billings, while other communities provide EHS through different organizations.

In June of 2021, we worked with Family Outreach to have Bugs tested for delays and to see if she qualified for an IFSP (Individualized Family Support Plan). The results came back that Bugs was 25-90% delayed in all developmental areas except one, where she was 10% delayed. This showed that, while Bugs was advanced in many of the skills she had at a year and a half, she had missed some of the key skills that she would need to be successful in life. She also was showing some concerning behaviors when she became overstimulated or was in social situations. When we enrolled her into EHS in Butte, I was not sure how it would go and worried that Bugs would struggle and not succeed.

For the first three weeks that Bugs was at EHS, she did not talk there, while she talked all the time at home. All of the other kids wanted to take care of her and would get her whatever she wanted if she pointed at something. Over time she came out of her shell and showed her feisty, independent attitude. Now, she loves going to “school.”

Each time we have had Bugs make a transition – first to another EHS classroom and then to Young Explorers, which is an EHS Community Partner – I thought that Bugs would regress and that she would not be able to handle it. Each time it has been the best move for her. All staff have been supportive of figuring out and dealing with her medical issues. When the doctor decided on two occasions that she needed to change her diet, EHS made each change within 24 hours. Nine months after she enrolled at EHS, she was retested and her development scores had increased dramatically.

Not only is Bugs supported, so are we as her family. Some people might think that EHS is just for the child, but it’s about all of us. We have a team of 14 people who all help support Bugs, but also check in with us about our family’s sleep schedule, my relationship with my husband, and other aspects of our lives. There is a therapist on staff that helps us deal with things that come up, such as Bugs shredding paper. There is also a Family Advocate that works with us on various issues.

As a parent, I have been empowered to join the Policy Council, which Head Start and Early Head Start are required to have. Policy Council is made up of parent and community representatives from each of the cities that AWARE EHS serves. We meet once a month and act as a “check and balance” for AWARE EHS. We go over the budget and things that are happening in the centers. As parents, we discuss ways to improve things or make changes. The parents that are on Policy Council also help organize parent committee meetings every month, which help parents connect and learn new information to help them be the best parents that they can be. I am glad that I chose to trust someone to help and support me with raising my daughter and would not change that decision for anything.

Resources: Learn more about what AWARE can offer you and your child at www.Aware-inc.org/. Or find out if there is an Early Head Start program in your community offered by a different organization listed in the LIFTS online resource guide.

May 31
Love2

Tips to Help Siblings Transition When a New Baby Comes Home, by the HMHB Team

By Parenting, pregnancy, Self-compassion

This is a featured article from our 3rd edition of the LIFTS Magazine.  

Tips to Help Siblings Transition When a New Baby Comes Homes, by the HMHB Team

Welcoming a new sibling is a big adjustment for everyone! Here are some tips and tricks to help ease the transition:

  • Snuggle up and read books about what to expect when a new baby comes home. Take time to talk about the changes to come and what feelings might come up.
  • Look at photos and videos and tell stories about what it was like when they were born and first came home.
  • Ask them what they’re most excited about and what they hope to teach their new sibling.
  • Take a moment to greet them by yourself and have a few minutes of one on one time before introducing them to the baby.
  • Give them a special gift (from baby) when baby comes home.
  • When taking care of the baby (feeding, diapering, bathing, etc.) ask them if they would like to help and give them a special task so they feel included and appreciated.
  • Before feeding baby, get them a snack/drink or interested in an activity.
  • Read to young children while feeding baby. Have child hold the book and turn the pages or play a “no-hands” game, “I spy something red…”
  • Teach other children how to get/make a special snack for themselves. This will help them feel like a big kid!
  • Set aside 5 minutes of focused, uninterrupted one on one time when they have your FULL attention the whole time. Even just a few minutes goes a long way.
  • Build forts or special nooks where they can retreat and let their imaginations run wild. Try a cardboard box with Christmas lights poked through so they can “stargaze”.
  • Tell stories of what things were like when you were a kid. Our children sometimes forget that we were once little too and we can remember what that feels like. This helps them feel seen and understood.

Prairie Wolfe, a Somatic Therapist from Missoula, recommends these exercises to help you and your children process big emotions:

LET THEM FEEL POWERFUL. Press hands, palm to palm with your kid and then push each other across the room and let them win. Let them knock you over! Exclaim about their power, “Whoa! How did you get so strong?! I am pushing as hard as I can and you are pushing me across the room!”

As often as you can, talk to your kids about their strong emotions. Say to them, “I see you. I still love you and accept you, even when you’re mad.” This helps our kids learn that their needs for belonging and authentic expression can both exist and both be met, at the same time.

And, for you, recognize and honor when you’re feeling activated, frustrated, and downright angry. Parenting is incredibly challenging and it’s helpful to have ways to release intense emotions in safe and healthy ways.

Grab a washcloth or dish towel and twist it up until you can feel the tension between your hands. Wring it as tightly as you can and then let the tension in your jaw, spine, and shoulders really grind and release into the towel. Then, add sound. Try a low growl, like a “grrrr” sound so you can really give this anger a voice and a place for it to go. Stay present and FEEL the sensations in your body. When you’re ready, release and breathe deeply. Check in with your body afterwards to see what has changed. Be curious about how your energy felt before and after this release?

May 17
Love2

Lifting Up New Moms, by Emily Clewis

By Caregiving, Community, Feeding Baby, Maternal Mental Health, Parenting, pregnancy, Self-care, Self-compassion

This is a featured article from our 1st edition (2021) of the LIFTS Magazine.  

Lifting Up New Moms

By Emily Clewis

A new life joining the world is a very exciting time. Friends and family members may be eager to gather around to take part in celebrating the new bundle of joy! There are so many ways to show up for families welcoming a new baby. Before you invite yourself over to hold that new baby, there are some really important things to keep in mind.

While holding a new baby is exciting, it’s the birthing person that truly needs to be held, loved, and supported in this golden, but vulnerable time. If the mother is well supported, she can better care for her new baby. Supporting parents in what they need is just as important as welcoming their baby.

The first couple of weeks are crucial for bonding, and new parents may not want any visitors during this vulnerable period. Always ask parents what precautions they may be taking and if they are up for visitors before coming to visit. New babies have no sense of night or day, so parents may be sleeping with their little ones at noon after being up all night. Be flexible with your plans for visiting and understand they may change.

If you do visit, wash your hands well and keep your face away from the baby’s, as babies are vulnerable to common illnesses. Always ask the parents if it’s okay to hold the baby. If they say yes, encourage them to take a shower or quick nap while you’re there. This is a great opportunity for them to take care of themselves!

Offer to bring healthy snacks or a ready-to-heat nutritious meal. Ask mom if she has eaten, and maybe make her a meal (and then do the dishes!). New moms, especially those breastfeeding, are always thirsty and require more calories. If she feeds the baby while you’re there, help her put her feet up and offer to get her water or a snack.

Look around for things that need to be done: laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, etc. If there are older children in the house, offer to watch a movie with them or take them on a walk. Ask new parents what they need; they will likely tell you!

 

Finally, don’t overstay. Parents during this time are heavily exhausted, and even well-meaning company can make parents feel the need to entertain. An hour or so is plenty in those first few weeks.

The early weeks of having a newborn is a beautiful time to support moms and babies. With healthy support, parents are less likely to suffer from perinatal depression and their babies have better health outcomes. Feel empowered to show up for new parents in a way that is helpful, supportive, loving, and graceful.

 

Boundaries to Support You

During postpartum, it is easy to be led by excitement and pride. You want desperately to share this new human with the world and to shout, “Look what I did!” from the rooftops. As women, we know that in the first few weeks, we are supposed to rest and allow our bodies to heal and recover. But our friends and family start calling, and we tell ourselves that we will rest later. Suddenly, visitors and responsibilities snowball, and somewhere under it all, there we are, crushed and tired as hell.

Here are some simple phrases to help draw boundaries around yourself in postpartum.

“We are not ready for visitors at this time.”

“I’m feeling really tired today. Let’s plan for another time when I’m feeling up to company.”

“My body doesn’t feel up to that. I’ll let you know once I feel recovered.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with that quite yet. I can reach out to you when I feel ready!”

“I know we had plans, but I’m not quite up for it after all. Let’s try again in a few days. In the meantime, here are some sweet pictures!”

“What I really need help with at this time is…”

“No.”

Mama, feel empowered to listen to and advocate for your own needs during this time. Speak them fiercely and unapologetically, even if your voice shakes. Your own mental and physical health is so important, and you have permission to draw a circle of protection around yourself.

 

 

To find resources and support for postpartum, parenting and more, visit our LIFTS Online Resource Guide at https://hmhb-lifts.org/.